TSL Rewound: Steph's Story - Courage, Laughter, and Hope in the Face of Cancer

Welcome to the Startline, a podcast about running, eating, life and everything in between. Hello, Hi guys. How are you all?

We have a break in scheduled programming, so sorry, but not sorry.

We are going to have our very first TSL Rewound episode today, because we wanted to commemorate and celebrate the memory of our darling cousin Steph, who some of you will have heard three years ago now, on a special episode that we did with her for Wild Cancer Day back in 2021. It was just before her 37th birthday, which means that this year we would have been celebrating her 40th birthday.

Tragically, we lost Steph in October of 21, so just over six months after we recorded the episode and she sadly passed away from her triple negative breast cancer and we were thinking of how we could kind of remember her and we just felt that, you know, the episode when we put it out back in 2021, so well received and it was so affirming to hear her story and everything that she had been through and yet she, you know, she still had such an amazing fighting spirit and the ability to find joy, you know, and her children and her husband, and we just felt it was really important to revisit this episode and hopefully find new ears who haven't heard her story and have amazing voice. So we just wanted to share this episode again and revisit the joy that Steph brought into all of our lives and to give people the opportunity to discover what an amazing person she was.

Yeah, and it also gives us as a family the opportunity to hear her voice again, to hear her laugh again, and I'm hoping that one day her husband, rich, will play it for their children, river and Romy, when they're old enough, and that they will find comfort just learning how much their mum loved them and how much Rich from Rich's perspective, his wife loved him and how hard she fought for them all. So, yeah, it was, it was. It was a painful re-listen for us, but it was also a joyous re-listen in terms of we got to hear her, and the one thing that Jules and I and Per say to each other is we are so, so glad we've got this recording we've got because we were so pleased that we were able to keep her spirit in this way.

Yeah, I think one of the things that really jumped out at me listening to the episode again was just to remind people. You know, it's that reminder of just taking care of yourself and, you know, checking your, knowing your body. You know, steph, she knew her body and she, she checked her breast and she knew something wasn't right. And you know, I've had experiences where you know you feel something and you you think it might be something sinister and you've just got to really know your body and check your body and take care of your body, because if you take care of it it will take care of you. And you know, just think about what you're putting in your body, don't put off. You know, if you feel something that's not right, don't put it off. And I think that that message you know again, it's February, it's it's. You know the world can't stay would have been this month. You know we've all been impacted by people or us up. You know people we know have been through cancer or you know, if you're listening to this and you've been through it yourself, yeah, you know it's. It's not an easy, it's not an easy journey, it's not an easy road to go down, but you know, just know that you're not alone.

And you know, just take care yeah, I think it's important for us to remember that we've only got one body and that we just need to take care of it and just to stop sometimes and celebrate the blessings and the winds, and you know, if you're able to move and you know, walk, run, whatever, yeah, just just just be thankful for that. You be thankful for seeing the wind in the trees. You know simple things like that. As we said, this was a celebratory episode as well, so we would love to thank Steph and celebrate her for everything that she was, for the joy she brought to the hearts of so many people that she knew that. We will forever remember her love and her spirit and you know the joy that she had for dancing for life, for you know just everything, despite the difficulties and the challenges that she had. So we had a little chuckle on Monday and reflected upon the fact that you know her and Auntie Bev were Auntie Bev being her mom and auntie who passed two years before Steph, so they were both up in heaven celebrating with the angels yeah, so, as that said, you know, we salute you, steph, and we love you and we miss you.

Thanks for listening guys enjoy. Thank you the episode um Steph hello, hello hello, hi, hi, guys, we are to say we're excited. I'm not gonna even say that this time. I'm gonna say we are humbled and heartened, heart warmed, our spirits are singing because we've got our cousin Stephanie also with us here today. It was world can't stay on fourth of Feb, and so we thought who best to have on the podcast but our own darling Steph, who has gone through one hell of a journey and still she glows and she smiles and just amazing amazing. So Stephie is she is a wife.

She's a mother of two lovely beautiful children.

Honestly, they you want to eat them. They're just so sweet.

Um, you're more than welcome to them. She's um and amazing, yeah, she's an amazing business woman.

She's in her mid 30s and she's also a cancer sufferer. So hello.

Steph hi hi, thank you for taking the time, yeah last minute, but we thought it's lockdown, isn't it?

so what? A way to spend a Friday night, babe. So, stephy, so we've done a little bit of an intro, but that doesn't even cut the mustard. Tell us a bit about yourself. Oh, where do I start? Um, so I'm Steph, I am 37 in two weeks and I am a mom of two. As you've said, I've got a five-year-old, a three-year-old, a boy and a girl, um an amazing hubby, um been married for nine years. This year, as rich would say, you wouldn't get that for murder.

That's what he always has got the best one.

Mine is so, yeah, um, I'm a business woman. Um started at my own business back into 2019 when I opened my own, my own beauty salon. Um, but before that, I was working um from home and mobile, um doing skin care and beauty, which is my absolute passion. I suppose that's me in a nutshell, really. Um, and then, yeah, this huge big cancer diagnosis we got, we're, we're we're, we're gonna, we're gonna get in, we're gonna get into that. But before that I think it would be great to lay the foundation, I suppose, of your. I wouldn't say letter life, but I would say the last few years, five, six years so if you can share your difficulties with pregnancy, first off yeah sure. So, um, hubby and I were, um. We got married in 2012, so prior to that, well, obviously, we had a you know chat about starting a family, and it was definitely something we wanted to do um, which we thought would be really easy. We were both really young. Um, how old were we when we got married? 20, 20, 28 guess you would have been. Yeah, so, um, you know, still relatively, you know, really young, not really had any issues in terms of things that we were aware of reproductively um. So prior to the wedding, I came off the pill just to be prepared and stuff, because we wanted to sort of catch straight away um, which didn't happen the way that we planned. Um, we were trying for three years in total. We had numerous amounts of tests um, and we were then referred by our GP for IVF. Um, because of what came back on um, these tests, the week we were due to start IVF I found out I was pregnant, naturally, and then Rich was away on a stag doom, as he always is, and I remember phone in him was at work. I was like you're never going to believe this and told him over the phone, but by the time he'd got home I'd started to miscarry. So that didn't have obviously a very happy ending and although you know I was only like six weeks pregnant, um, I think as soon as you find out that you're pregnant, you kind of start having plans for that you're not in your life with that baby. So you know as much as we kind of brushed it off and oh, it's okay, we'll try again. It's, it's still affected us really quite badly. Um IVF was then postponed because they said that because I conceived naturally, the chances are I'd conceived naturally again. So they postponed my IVF, they said for three years, which quite appealed. I wrote a letter to the local care commission just explaining that in three years time I'd be heading into my 30s. Naturally, everything starts to slow down reproductively in your 30s, which would have been 34, and the best chance that I thought we would have of catching and having a successful pregnancy wouldn't be in three years time. It, we, it would be right right then at that point. Um, so they accepted my appeal and approved um one cycle of IVF. Um, ivf is very much a postcard lottery. So depending on where you are in the country and what care commission you're under depends on how many rounds of IVF that you are actually allowed to have. So the midlands is one of the all you get three goes. Yeah. So this was our one shot. Wow, I mean, that's something that people just don't know. No no, I don't know if that's changed because what? We're five now, so this is about five and a half, like nearly six years, but certainly at that time it was one shot at this by the NHS. So we made regular trips to the clinic, for I was having to go to have like in my injections. We're having to inject ourselves at home every morning. And then I remember the trigger injection, which is the injection, the magic injection that releases all of your eggs ready for fertilization. It was about this big, the actual.

Wow.

Wow, and I remember I was like I can't give myself that. So I went around to my mom's because she's I thought she's just, you know, trust mom with this. Would I let her inject my stomach? Well, with that massive approach to you picture of it somewhere I have to send it to you and it had to be given a very specific time so that the timing of this every lease was, you know, matching up to the clinic and everything. And I was literally, every time she came near with me with the needle, no, no, no, no, actually literally had to hold me down and just inject me with this needle. She's like do you want this baby or what? That's my gosh.

That's a B. That's a B. That's a B.

So that was really special, that mom was part of the concept, yeah, ordinarily. So she always, mom always had such a bond with River and I think that why? Because she, she was there, you know, as part of the conception. So, yeah, we had IVF. I caught successfully the first round of IVF. I think they took 10 eggs out of me, which is not. That was not a nice experience at all. It was very, very uncomfortable. I don't know what.

I mean, it's very amazing, isn't?

it. Yeah, yeah. So they took 10 eggs out. They managed to fertilize six to embryo stage, with Richard, you know, and then only three were viable and then only one started to grow oh yeah, yeah. So she's very, very, very special little girl. I mean she is a special little girl.

She really is lovely.

So, yeah, pregnancy was great. Absolutely loved my pregnancy with ribs so special. I had a couple of you know scares, but you know everything went smoothly, apart from at 26 weeks, my rich, my husband was at work. He used to work in construction as a ground worker, so he put all of the underground drains in on, like new housing estates and new roads, before the road was actually then built. So he do all of the groundwork. And when I was 26 weeks pregnant, which was the 15th of October 2015, yeah, he was basically run, run over on site by a wagon carrying 32 tons worth of stone and crush and you know the rest of that they needed for the job. So to get a phone call like that when I was at work 26 weeks pregnant was absolutely horrific. He was airlifted to. They didn't know sort of the extent of his injuries at that time. I was told that his pelvis had been crushed. They didn't know if he'd be able to walk and he was airlifted to Stoke Hospital, which is probably about an hour away from where we are. Yeah, so that was really really traumatic. Actually, why is it so? Because they have a top orthopedic. So because there was bone, obviously, bone breakages and stuff that had, like, yeah, an orthopedic hospital. So he stayed in hospital for four weeks and I was traveling daily to go and see him heavily pregnant, heavily pregnant, yeah, even to just go and sit in the waiting area Because I was, there was specific times that you could go in and visit, but I just go and sit in the waiting area and I hope that a nurse would let me in or just like talk to him on the phone from the waiting area because I want to be close to him. There was nothing else. You know, to sit at home and I just think about how he was would just have drove me crazy. So, yeah. So when he came out, he was wheelchair bound and he had to learn to start to start to learn to walk again, which was obviously really, really difficult because we had a baby on the way. I was having to take him to the hospital for appointments and stuff and lifting his wheelchair into the car and helping him into the car. So it was really really really tough. But I'm the sort of person that doesn't accept help very well. So when people offering to help, I was like no, no, we'll just get on with it ourselves and that's what. So I was 26 weeks pregnant, yeah, when he had his accident and River arrived one evening, we were watching James Bond and we'll never watch James Bond anymore because of this. He was watching James Bond. I was asleep with my head in in Richard's lap and I said, rich, there's something coming out of me and it's not we. And it was like, and I was like, yeah, there's something coming out of me. And I got up and I was like, I think my waters have broke. You want to fill? What dates? I was in June till the 20th of January, and this was when. Then this was a 12th, 12th of December, because I remember we had just, you just had your baby shower, yes, yes, and you went to for another month, no, no. So, yeah, she came six weeks early. So my waters went. I was admitted then, but she didn't want to come out, so they had to then induce me and start me off. Mom and Rich were sat watching X Factor final, eating sweets and popcorn. What? I was in labor With their feet up with their feet. Yes, a beautiful little, arrived on the 14th of December, six weeks early. She was kept in neonatal. I mean, she was a healthy, healthy baby. She was 5 pound, 14. So if I'd gone for she would have been a sumo wrestler baby how that would have gone. But yeah, she was kept in neonatal just because she was a little bit jaundiced. That that was it really. So she came home after three days in neonatal Bless her. So yeah, then we were having to pack all of us into the car and take Rich to physio and stuff like that. It was just amazing and it really like it bothered me because I was like this is not how I planned our first exactly. I mean, you're learning to exactly with a new baby, but you're also learning to cope with your husband's new injury.

Yeah so.

I was mom. I was well new mom. I was caregiver. You know I was having to get up in the night to do everything. You know, the only saving grace is that if I needed to pop out to the shops, I could leave the baby with Rich, because he was always at home, which was really really good. How did you look after yourself in that time stuff, did you?

look after yourself.

I didn't really. You know I was I think I was just done autopilot, autopilot, I think since Rich is accident autopilot and I mean, in between all of the the lows, there's been some absolutely amazing highs, and I think that's what I always think about is is, yeah, things have been rock bottom. I can't imagine it. You know anyone's has been being run over and thinking any different, but you know things have been absolutely rock bottom. But out of that, me and Rich have gained a close relationship and you know, we've got more respect for each other. We you know the things that we've been through together has has really cemented our relationship. And yeah, we have both been through some really trying times but we were able. We've grown so much together. We're able to lean on each other now and and we weren't able to do that before We've matured a lot because we've had to through all of these tragedies and yet still we kind of look at each other and just burst out laughing because one of them pulled a funny face and even at this point now we're still so much in love with each other. Yeah, and I think, like it's what? How long have we been together? 14, 13?, 13 years this year we've been together and I'm still, we're still so madly in love with each other, which is amazing, and I suppose we should say which we haven't said that he had to have his leg below the knee amputated because of the accident and that obviously took an enormous toll on both of you. Yeah, because of the man that he had to adapt and then become, and you because you were bearing the brunt of being this caregiver and how do you adjust to yourself as a wife of? this person Not quite the man you married Different completely. It was very hard. I even held a bit of resentment is that the word True Towards him? Because I was like this isn't fair. You know, at that time I was just like this isn't fair. But then you take a step back and obviously that's five years ago now, six years ago, and you kind of reflect a little bit and you grow because of certain situations. You can either choose to grow or not and I suppose it's the mature side of you that chooses to grow it is a choice.

It's a choice.

And you guys have lived your vows.

You have done wonderful, absolutely.

Many couples don't survive their vows. You've lived your vows and you've lived by your vows Absolutely. When he was pulling me away, he said oh, he kept saying I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I was like so is sickness in him health, babe, that's what we said, isn't?

it no.

It's just that, and it's not easy.

It's not easy.

You know a lot of times people go into marriage. You know you think about the wedding day and you think you're gonna get a happily ever after. And it's not and actually the love is found where the happiness isn't actually. It's when you can actually still smile and laugh together, as you do in the midst of the worst circumstances that anyone would want to live through, and you're still smiling, you know with each other and you still make each other laugh. That's where the love is Absolutely, but don't you think it takes so much more energy to be negative and just down yourself? I'd rather get up in the morning and choose to be happy and smiling, regardless of my situation, because it takes so much more energy to do the other and I really haven't got energy to burn, so I'm just gonna be smiling, I'll be smiling.

I'll be smiling, I'll be smiling. Let's see.

Can we talk about Auntie B? Yeah, and what?

happened in 2019. Yeah, so I guess it's kind of like your cancer journey actually didn't start with you. It started with your mom. Yeah, and the shock of that 2019. Yeah, I'd never met anyone who had had cancer before 2019. So to them, be my mom. It was really, really such a shock. It was a lot of cancer in our family. I heard of other people having it, but nobody close, no family. There's no friends either, exactly. So, yeah, it was a massive shock. So mom had been a little not really herself towards the back end of 20s so I'm getting my years mixed up. I was in the back end of 2018. Yeah, we saw her.

Yeah, yeah, we saw her yeah.

We were worried when we took my brother, yeah To see her then. Yeah, so she hadn't been herself, but she'd. I think she covered a lot of it up, to be honest, because I am very much like my mom in the sense that very stubborn, don't accept help, just kind of get on with it. So, yeah, she struggled to do the handovers at work and I think that was the turning point for her when she knew that something was wrong. She worked as a nurse and at the end of her shift she had to hand over to the new nurses coming on shift about the patients that she was obviously in charge of. And one morning I think it was around about the 15th of January 2019, she phoned me in absolutely floods of tears, saying Steph, I don't know what's the matter with me. I've tried to do the handover and I couldn't even get my words out. I didn't know where I was, what I was meant to be saying, in a room full of people. She said it's just really, really rattled me, really upset me. She said I think there's something wrong. I was on my way to work and I just turned around and drove to hers and I said look, we'll get you looked at. So I rang her GP and he booked her an appointment for the following week. But I wasn't confident with that. So we went to the hospital. We went to the Manor Hospital because she was just so confused, so disorientated. They did an assessment at the Manor Hospital and they felt that she may have had a mild stroke and they referred us then, sent us then to New Cross, which is another hospital, probably about half an hour away, because they have a specialized stroke unit at the New Cross. So she was admitted then on the basis that they thought she'd had a stroke and they were gonna do more tests. So she was in the hospital for about a week and they'd done a scan on her head. And I just remember going into the doctor, called a scene, and I remember going into the room with the doctor and it's just like the blood. He said it wasn't a stroke, it's not a stroke and me and Mum both looked at each other and he said it's a tumour and the blood just ran out of us. We ran cold, both of us just ran, absolutely cold. We couldn't speak. It was awful, awful. So and the first person I rang we rang me and Mum was Auntie Jean, me and Mum Tasha, and then it kind of just spiralled from there really. She was then sent for a full body scan to check that there wasn't cancer anywhere else and then they found the primary cancer was on her lung. So she'd actually got had lung cancer which had then spread to her brain and the part of the brain that it had spread to was causing her to lose her speech. It was causing her memory loss, confusion. So it wasn't very nice to see that so so strong, just kind of deteriorates so so quickly in front of me. So she was in and out of hospital then from January they did radiotherapy. They operated sorry on the tumour and managed to remove that. But the way cancer works is that it's especially with brain cancer it's if it's there, it's probably all over her brain, which the case was. So they'd taken that tumour out, thought they got clear margins, but there was already other bits of cancer growing in her brain, which is why they chose to do the radiotherapy, which did stop the tumours growing in her brain, but they didn't treat her lung, which then inevitably spread everywhere else, which I'm still really, really confused about, all of that to be honest. So she didn't have a very good Right towards the end. She was, you know, the care is in the hospital did what they could and I think they could have done a lot more. The level of care wasn't something that mom I would not have administered herself being a nurse and that's what she gave most of her life to the NHS and to nursing care and to not receive that. And she was a brilliant nurse. She was Like the young mum did, to her detriment, to her downfall. She hadn't been. You know, obviously your job is your job and you're dedicated to your job. But I think if she hadn't been so, work, work, work, work she may still be here. I don't, but yeah, we lost her in May and that was so, so difficult, so difficult For me. My mum was my best friend. I loved her absolutely, from every fibre of my being, lover, loved her. So that was a massive, massive blow, massive. And I felt very, very alone during that time Because, although the family was around and we had each other, I'd lost my mum. Until you kind of enter that journey, it's hard to comprehend how hard that is, yeah, and then I think that's the richest accident Mum, the shock of mum. I think that was the catalyst for my cancer as well. I wasn't after myself. I was drinking a lot too much. The day that mum got admitted to hospital in January, I drank a bottle of wine every night From then until my diagnosis. So you know, it was just a kind of a way to medicate myself, a bit of an escape. If I'm absolutely blind drunk, this is not happening. That was my mentality and the first part of my treatment. That was my mentality as well. I probably didn't do myself any favours the first half of my well last year, basically the initial part of my cancer diagnosis. But you know, people deal with things in very different ways and the thing is at the time. So you were diagnosed pretty much a year to when Auntie E was diagnosed.

Hello my baby.

Hello darling.

Oh, look at that smile. Oh my, what a smile. How are you, darling, are you well seen my baby? You're going to say hello, I'm going to say hi, say hi. Hi Give your mummy a hug.

I want a rumy hug. Hopefully it won't be long. Go on up then as soon as you've had some of that.

OK.

He knew his mummy needed a big hug.

Yeah, come on Upstairs please. Night Rummy Night.

Rummy, I love him. Oh, so cute. That was his best best commercial break ever.

Mum likes this. This is what I say to everybody.

But he's like a little angel sent to give his mummy a hug. I love him.

That was cute. All right, where were we Almost a year to the day that Aunty Bee got diagnosed? You got diagnosed with breast cancer. Yeah, my journey started really October 19. Because I remember saying to my sister-in-law Dan, I've got this ache of a boob, feels hot and swollen and achy. It just didn't feel right. So she'd just go to the doctors and get it checked out. So I did. My friend came with me.

Because at that time we were allowed to do things with the men.

Almost a year and my GP examined me and he said it was basically thought it was mastitis due to stress, stress of losing mum, which, okay, he gave me some antibiotics and those antibiotics seemed to do the job.

But then in December, Hi Riva, Hi Riva, Hi Riva. Can you let me have this? Okay, Where's Dad? He said we have to go to bed now.

Just go upstairs and watch the pad. I'll be up in a bit. Okay, share. There's your sister, because I want to play a game, so she's I love you Sorry, everybody, that's okay.

It's my life, babe. Go, go, go, go. I'll be up in a bit. Sorry, don't worry at all, I was on camera talking to you guys.

She's definitely talking to me. So where were we? Oh, yeah, so yeah.

We had these antibiotics.

Yeah, seemed to do the job. I didn't have any pain there. And then over Christmas, I remember being at work we were so busy over Christmas but I could feel this tugging, like a pulling in this area. And I remember saying to my business partner, helen I was like I just feel like it's aching, I just feel like this tugging. Then that went after about 10 days. I enjoyed Christmas and then I was in the. I'd got out of the shower and I was just like drawing myself off in the mirror and I lifted my arm up like this and I noticed this like puckering, this dimpling down the side of this boob and I thought that's not right. Coupled with everything else the October issue, with the December pains I thought that's not right and I spoke to my sister-in-law, dan, again. But I knew I knew what was going on. I knew it was going to be more sinister. So, because I didn't want to be fobbed off again, I booked private. I went to a private hospital and went to see a surgeon there, a breast surgeon at their breast clinic and he's amazing Dr Basu, he's my doctor now but he basically confirmed there and then what we were dealing with. Yeah, so he did an examination, he felt a lump in this area. He then sent me. During the same appointment I had a mammogram and also an ultrasound. The mammogram didn't pick up on anything. Wow. I mean mammograms, I'm not too sure. See, mammograms aren't given to women under 40. Because the breast density of women under 40 is still quite large, you know Good breast density, older that goes, so they can see tumours, so they don't tend to mammogram under 40. But this one right. Nothing came up on the mammogram. But then on the ultrasound there were four areas, four tumours in my breast, wow. And then it had to move into my lymph nodes as well. So from there they didn't officially diagnose until they'd done a biopsy, which again is not. It's a horrendous experience. They basically sort of get an ultrasound on your tumour site so that they can see on the screen where your tumours are, and then they get a joint needle. Basically they do sort of give you local anaesthetic but they piss the tumour away so they can test it to see what they're dealing with. So all of that came back and confirmed that I did have breast cancer and it's triple negative. Breast cancer, which is only 10 to 15% of diagnosed breast cancer, is a triple negative. Now, it's triple negative because it's not hormone driven. So they test it basically to see what drives it. Most breast cancers are hormone driven, which they're easier to treat because they are more receptive to chemotherapy. And then they target your treatments because they know what's driving that cancer, whereas triple negative hasn't got any of those receptors. They don't know what causes and what drives triple negative. So the chemotherapy that they're treating me with is very generic. It's very generic for all breast cancers because that's all they have. They're very, very under researched, which is why there's a very low survival rate and a very high recurrence rate. It's a very aggressive cancer because if they can't find the right combination of drugs to deal with it then it will just spread like one. So I had six months of chemotherapy. So my chemo started in March of last year and finished in August. It's quite possibly the hardest time of my life that was yeah, it just strips you of who you are. It takes obviously your hair. I didn't realise how much your eyebrows and eyelashes bring to your face until you sing. And even when I'm a stache I was like, oh my God, I'm not going to be a stache for months. But yeah, it just strips everything away from you your personality, your ability to do things, your ability to think clearly, to think logically. I'd wake up some days and I'd just cry and it's just like it's the chemo and I'm like, okay, because you're just that low in yourself, you struggle to eat and obviously dealing with all of this through COVID has been hard because I've not been able to just grab a hug from one of my friends or have my friends over, for although I did have my friends over for a moving eye, I've just not been able to do all of that or see my family. So it has made it harder. But then in the same breath, I've not known any different. So I've only known cancer with COVID. So yeah, chemo isn't nice, it's not, but it's a means to an end, in my opinion. Did they prepare you for what it was going to be like? Did you have? I don't even know if you can be prepared for it, because I guess it's very individual as well. It is very individual and they say that. They said that to me. Everyone deals with things very differently, but I think that there's a lot more that the NHS could be doing to Just to prepare people. You know, the breast care nurses are great, the oncology nurses are great, but then there's just something missing in between all of that. Just a support network hasn't been there. And maybe is there, and I haven't looked for it because I'm not one that's open to support, or is it because they're all closed because of COVID? But yeah, I just feel that there's something missing. And what advice would you give to like a partner or family member? What would you say? Because it's hard on them as well. It is so hard on me. He's apologised to me since because I think Rich really, really struggled to see me without my wig on, looking poorly. I remember I was in the hot tub one day and I faced home Cole, my brother, and Cole was like I saw on his face he was a bit like, a bit taken aback, because you know the typical cancer phase. Well, cancer chemo phase very round, very gray, no brows, no hair and any. And I said that scared you, hasn't it? And I said, yeah, it's really really hit home that you're all you are. So I'd say for any family members, that person is still there underneath, you know, just because they are bald, which found it really hard to my bald head, that's what you found the hardest and I understand that. But, yeah, that person is still there underneath. So just go easy on them, but go on yourself as well, you know, as the partner, because it's not easy. It's really bloody hard to watch somebody go through that.

Yeah, and how do you think, how do you think Riven Romy have coped?

Oh, they've been so amazing. They've been so amazing. They've coped. I think they've. They've grown up a little bit because they've had to. But you know, they come and give. Well, when I was going through, I mean that came, I was very harsh, I was in bed a lot of the time but they'd come up and give mommy cuddles and kisses, and River would come and rub my shoulders and my head and you know, and just little things like that. And they'll say to me you know when, when mommy's better and the chemo's over and this COVID has gone, you know we can get to stuff. Then, mommy, and you know, upset They'll wipe my tears. They don't cry, mommy, it's all right and they're. They're what keep me going, they are what keep me forward and fighting. Yeah, they really do.

Bless them. Oh, bless you, know they? I keep saying this they are your little angels.

They are really really together with rich, really sent from God to just keep you yeah, yeah.

Absolutely.

So we wanted to fight. Well, we clearly you know, you've told us what it's done to you physically and mentally and how difficult it's been during during lockdown, but what what? Is it that you?

you cling on to every day. What is the one thing that you cling on to every day, and each day will be different, of course.

And some days will be better than others.

But you, yeah, I'll ask you first and then.

I'll say I cling on to hope and faith and to have little things that I visualise of what I want to be doing. So for one of them, me and Richard talk about this a lot that building in Dubai I'd try to know the name of it it's that I can't remember. Yeah.

I know it, I know it, I know it.

Yeah, on the beach in front of that building with a white swimsuit on and a big floppy hat, and Richard taking a picture of me from behind, and I'm literally like this and that is my. That's where I want to be Like once I've finished all of my treatment. So that's what I visualise. I visualise the kids growing up and that's what gives you know, that's what keeps me going. Since we learned about the spread of the cancer to my liver in November, I've adopted a completely different mentality, a completely different lifestyle, and I think that is really what's what's getting me through.

Yeah, what are some of the things that you've done, oh wow.

Consult my leg. Consult my leg. Okay, so one of the main things that I've done is totally, totally switching from eating being a junk food freak to eating an alkaline, plant based diet. I do have the odd touch of fish every now and then, mainly salmon, but yeah, I was. I was eating crap like literally 24 seven. I'd eat chicken takeaway three times a day and for some reason I didn't think to myself Steph, this is going to make you really, really poorly. I just think, just, that's just how we lived, that was just, I think that's just what we did, and then we might have a healthy week, but then, oh no, it just like eat pizzas you know from, and so on. Yeah, I've basically plant based, I eat plant based, I just eat plants. And I've stopped drinking, stopped drinking alcohol. So, yeah, I eat an alkaline diet. So that's basically an acidic body and an acidic diet is very much processed food, sugar, alcohol, all of that bad stuff which causes disease within the body. So I'm trying to make my body more alkaline, which is a healthier environment within the body, and cuts can't live in an alkaline environment, so we're just trying to starve it to death. Basically that's what we're doing. So, yeah, meditation, walking, exercises amazing for cancer. You know something as little as 30 minutes a day. I am journaling. Now I've got an energy healer that I'm working with as well, so I'm trying lots of, lots and lots and lots of things. Supplements I'm trying as well, things that might be lacking in my body, just really trying to encourage my immune system to kick in and kick this cancer's ass. So because we didn't we didn't really explain that you obviously finished your first round of chemo and then you had your, your scan after going through that hell of chemotherapy. And then you, you found out that you had your surgery, yes, and your surgery Exactly. Exactly so you had your surgery, which again traumatic, must have been so traumatic you actually you had a mastectomy, yeah. So first of October had my mastectomy, which was really super excited for because I get this cancer out of my body. But the my surgeon, when they sent off the for the pathology of the tumours, he there was still. There was no active cancer in the in the breast tissue, which was brilliant. The chemo done its job. But in the lymph nodes they basically took away all of that area of lymph node. So the lymph nodes they took 18 lymph nodes out and three still had cancer. So my search was really concerned then and requested that I go for a scan. Ordinarily my oncologist has said that you wouldn't be scanned after chemo and after surgery because they expect the chemo to do its job. No way, If I hadn't been scanned then I'd be on the way to death. Wow, yeah. So, yeah, they scanned me at the end of my surgery because of these positive lymph nodes and they picked up then that there was cancer now in my liver and my bones. But my oncologist said he's not overly concerned about the bone but the liver. He wants to try and get on top of before it kind of gets out of hand. Yeah, I'm doing a lot of stuff to support my liver as well, because I have abused it over the years, so I am trying to really nurture my liver now. Lovely little liver. Please don't kill me. So yeah, I want to see a little bit of water. No, go on upstairs now, please. Thank you. So yeah, after going through all of that, the chemo and the surgery, it's spread, which isn't uncommon for that to happen. But that is why I have drastically changed my life as well. Yeah, I mean, your attitude towards this phase, as you've said, is dramatically different to your first phase, and I think, obviously, you've been at the lowest point of the low, and I guess you had to. How did you find that kind of mental resilience to say, okay, I'm going to attack this, but attack it in a different way. It's a simple one. I mean, you're still smiling. Yeah, it's as simple as I want to live. It's as simple as that. I want to live. So I'm going to try everything that I possibly can to stay alive. And if I throw everything at it and it still doesn't work, then at least I have tried everything, I've exhausted every avenue. Yeah, this I remember I went a couple of forums on Facebook and I was explaining to them about my protocol and what I do, and this one woman said I just don't understand how you do it. And I was like well, because I don't want to die. It's as simple as that.

It's as simple as that. It's so cute, it's okay. Stephanie's got that, my life yeah.

And then he goes with the water Right.

This is not acceptable.

Can you share the file? I will Right Obsess now.

Okay, come on, rony, thanks.

Is any excuse going to have sex with a mummy, mummy's boy. Get back in my womb he would. What is?

that, oh nice.

He's like he's sat on my hip. He's such, yeah, he loves mum, he's a mummy boy. But yeah, that's they again. I want to keep me going, yeah.

So, gosh, it's just been such a journey for you. It's just been what the heck? But I mean again as we say, you're still smiling.

And also that you're I mean, you've been so vulnerable so you have like a really amazing Instagram page where you've shared your stories, and also Facebook page. You did an amazing Facebook live. Do you want to tell us what kind of led you to do that? I just think that I struggled with finding information when I was first diagnosed and finding I don't know if I wasn't looking in the right places. I just really struggled to connect with somebody, somebody that I would look at their journey and be inspired to keep going and to do what they're doing and to adapt the changes that they've made. I didn't find that, so I thought, well, if I can't find that, then I'll be that. There's so many people out there that are struggling with their mental health, with various different aspects of their journey, cancerous or not and I just kind of want to be that person that says it's okay. It's okay to struggle, it's okay to have a crap day, but it's also okay to smile and it's okay to take the rough with the smooth. That is life, and some people's lives are more the word I'm looking for have more, you know, more issues in them than others, but it doesn't mean that you have to be down on life all the time, because you can still find your one good thing.

She's wearing the T-shirt.

Just smile out of every single day and that is what I try to do. It's not a fact, totally me, you know, and some days are hard and I will put that out there as well. I'll put out my struggles, and when I'm feeling tired and just feeling just crap, I will put that out there as well, because nobody is positive and happy and bubbly and full of life all the time. But you know, when you can be, then choose to be that as opposed to the. That's amazing.

Yeah, that's amazing I think that's a great note to end on Absolutely.

Absolutely.

It's just been amazing, amazing.

Thank you so so much for sharing your story and you know we love you. I feel like crying. You know we love you, you know we are and you know I've been drinking water before, wouldn't I? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

As we are. What are we? I'll climb water. I'll climb water.

I'll climb water. Wow, you're an inspiration honey.

Seriously, absolutely.

Every single day, everything you do. Thank you, we're so inspired by you, honey, we're so proud of you. You know you are baby, sister, cousin, and you know we're just proud of you. Thank you, thanks girls. I'm proud of you. I'm proud to be part of such a fierce family. We're fierce warrior women brought up by fierce warrior women. Absolutely, we're brought up by a fierce warrior woman, so we come from a strong line. Absolutely. Long may it continue. Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Thank you so much, stephie.

Thank you for sharing your story and for being so vulnerable and you know you'll shine a light and we will be seeing that Instagram photo of you on the beach in the White Bikini Absolutely.

Yes, my new friends, new body has COVID, so let's go.

Especially when I get my boobs, my new boobs, off the NHS.

Thank you, darling.

Okay so lovely to see you. Thank you so much.

Take care, and next week we will be back on track with our bonus series from the National Run show.

We've got an episode, a really great episode, coming up next week which features who does it feature do Our darling members of ERC, carol Johnson and Donna Pendergrass, and they will be talking about the menopause and coping and thriving.

Thriving through the menopause. That's what it's about. Yeah, yeah, it was a really, really, really great conversation, but we will save the chat on that until next week. Yeah, so enjoy today's TSL Rewound episode and then next week tune in for the second to last episode in our bonus series. Make sure you follow us wherever you get your podcast so you don't miss the episode when it drops. Bye, bye.

Bye.